The Secret Service Agent Must Be Back From A Mission… February 6, 2012

So E has had radio silence with me since I absolutely overstepped my boundaries and asked the most private of all private questions, “What is your last name?”.  Thanks be to Jeebus, he reappeared last night, or at 1:00 am this morning, rather.

I’d settled in early after a particularly vigorous Sunday of eating pizza, watching a Law & Order marathon, and playing Temple Run and Zombie Lane on my iPad (add to the reasons I am single…) early despite numerous requests to get boozy and watch the Superbowl.  I have been fighting a nasty cold and am seriously trying to get out of the schoolnight-boozing habit, so I popped my Ambien at a solid 10:30, tuned on some documentary and called it a night.

At 1:01 am, I groggily think hear a text message come in, but roll over and ignore it, backstroking through my Ambien cloud… Then the damn phone starts ringing.    Here is where I am going to digress a bit… Those that know me, know that sleep does not come easy to me, especially on Sundays.  I try not to take sleeping medication, but sometimes take half to get me to sleep.  If I take an entire pill, I mean business.  That means I want to fall asleep in 5 minutes and not wake up until the next day.  THIS was what I was trying to achieve last night, and Secret Agent royally fucked that with the double whammy of texting and calling.  I hit “decline” on my phone and try to get back to the blissful slumbers I was experiencing just TWO SECONDS AGO to no avail.  Its nearly a full hour and some jello later that I get back to sleep.

This morning, I get to my office and notice his text message, to which I hadn’t responded to.    I send him a quick note back, apologizing for the delay in response, as I had been sleeping.  He immediately writes back, asking what I am doing right now.  I let him know that, like a normal adult, I am at my office at 10 am on a Monday.   He proceeds to tell me to take a personal day.   When I graciously explain that that isn’t really an option, he sends the following two texts:

“What do you do anyways besides avoid me like the plague”

then

“You should check out this website i think you would like it www. Boring. Com”

Wow.  I suddenly feel responsible and old and, apparently, boring.   I am more than a little ok with that.

Working for a Living on a Monday,

Terita Bonita

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Adventures in Dating Hell January 27, 2012

Yes, yes… I haven’t blogged in forever, I know.  I’ve kinda been a busy bee!  Enough of the apologies, though, as I am BACK and I am going to share with you the bizarre dating events that have occurred…

After a particularly emotional setback, I have branched back out into dating, and man, let me tell you…  its pretty damn insane. Fair warning: I have a tendency to be a tad eclectic and attracted to others of that persuasion, which may lead to slightly more bizarre interactions than that of the average single lady.  Regardless, I have been told a ridiculous number of times lately that I need to share these stories with the world, so I shall…

 

Here is a snippet from this week.  Literally THIS WEEK.  I can’t make this shit up.  

 

So, after an infuriating and finally successful hunt, I manage to get this painting that I have been eyeing for months into my humble abode.  

 

 

I ask MK to come over and hang it up, seeing as he is an artist and whatnot, I figured he would be the guy to do it right.  Now, there is a short, but nutso history with me and MK.  Brief fling-type thing over a year ago, and now we are friends.  So, anyway, he comes over, we have some wine and make fun of my accidently-purchased slutty platform shoes… blah blah.  

He then looks at me and says, “You are the smartest girl I know.  If you could just lose 35 pounds, I would make you my 4th wife.”

Thanks.