My Deeply Superficial Thoughts

I am Hot Pants McGee, and I have interesting things to say.

Stormtrooper Assault… August 27, 2012

Filed under: Dating,Uncategorized — TeritaBonita @ 4:35 pm
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This is an ACTUAL exchange between a dude and I on the always-entertaining dating site, OKCupid:

His comments are in blue.

You were accepted as one of ferrari_owner29’s Quiver matches! OkCupid suggests matches to users through a feature called Quiver.— Staff Robot
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Aug 25, 2012 – 10:57pm
oh we gotta get that star wars knocked out soon. on the double
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:07pm
Gosh, I know, right?!? I’m the worst nerd ever.
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:13pm
yes you are.. the worst one up till now in history. you will be remembered believe me
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:18pm

There shall be books written about my failure.
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:19pm
Or epic poems.
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:23pm
yup.. unless you remedy it soon.. i dont think they’ll be books or epics.. just sidelong mentions of that goddamned bitch that never finished star wars
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:26pm
the only redemption at this point is to have a guy in a stormtrooper costume fuck you
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:27pm
helmet and all 
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:27pm
You forgot “awesome”… That goddamned AWESOME bitch that never finished Star Wars.
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:28pm
And, whoa…
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:32pm
ok.. awesome goddamned bitch that never finished starwars… ok, you get out of the stormtrooper rape for now..
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:33pm
hey i dont make the rules 😛
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:40pm
I’m not sure how I feel about the turn this conversation has taken…
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Aug 25, 2012 – 11:51pm
c’mon im just joking.. my humor can be weird sometimes sorry

 
Yup, I attract the most amazing people.
Looking for a stormtrooper chastity belt,
TH
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Lazy in Life, Love, and Blogging… August 1, 2012

Filed under: Dating,Uncategorized — TeritaBonita @ 11:02 am
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Sooo, its been a few months… I have been busy with all kinds of good stuff and therefore, lax on my blogging. (And on my working out) But I am back now to enlighten the masses on my goings on.

I had a grand 32nd birthday party, as seen below:

Good times were had by all! There was even an awesome pinata full of liquor. (Of course)
Shared-birthday dude came to the party and proceeded to get really drunk, hit on a bunch of my friends, and then tell me I was being a bitch. So there was that… I pretty much have decided that dating really isn’t my scene. That shit is way too complicated. I like my life simple. I like a dude I can have drinks with and sleep with and laugh with, but that also has his own stuff going on. Just when I think I have it in my grasp SHAZAMM! the Single Fairy drops some type of bomb on me and ruins it all.

Do independent dudes still exist? I mean, I am not looking for the fucking narwhal of guys.

Wednesday Love and Promises for More Updates,

TAH

 

PS – In case you don’t already know, don’t eat at Chic-Fil-A because they are run by asshole bigots.  Especially today.

Why can’t Arby’s be the bigots?  No one likes Arby’s.  Damn addictive Jesus chicken.

 

Valentine’s Day & The Great Jesus Flowers Mystery February 16, 2012

Filed under: Dating,Uncategorized — TeritaBonita @ 10:34 am
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Behold!  The glorious day of single awareness has passed us yet again.  This year, I had a strange happening…

I am sitting at the front desk, as Barb is out on vacation, having an awesome Valentine’s Day bitchfest with Bearded Drew over Gchat, specifically regarding the annoying chick at his office that WOULD NOT SHUT UP about her dumb balloons and flowers and teddy bear fan.  (PS – Who the fuck does that?  A teddy bear fan?  Where does one even discover such an item???)  I was being extra pumped because there was only one other female in my office that day, and she and her bf don’t do flower nonsense, so I figured I would skate through this Valentine’s Day without the usual delivery giddiness and hours of sneezing from overpriced floral arrangements…. but then… Flower Dude walks in with some roses.

Of course, I assume they are for someone else, then he says my name.  While pleasantly surprised, I sign for the mystery flowers, thinking they are from my mom or a girlfriend.

 

I open the card to see who sent them and get bitchslapped by crazy.   Check out this gem of a valentine greeting:

 

So.  Basically, someone says that I am a sinning harlot, but Jesus died for my ways, so its cool.

I blame the usual suspects, my witty friends who are well aware of my Agnosticism and who would find this to be an awesome prank… No one fesses up and takes credit.

Now shit be creepy.  As of today, I am still clueless as to who sent the Jesusflowers.  I am thankful that they think I am gonna be ok.

 

Happy belated Valentine’s Day to all,

Terita Bonita

 

The Secret Service Agent Must Be Back From A Mission… February 6, 2012

Filed under: Dating — TeritaBonita @ 1:19 pm
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So E has had radio silence with me since I absolutely overstepped my boundaries and asked the most private of all private questions, “What is your last name?”.  Thanks be to Jeebus, he reappeared last night, or at 1:00 am this morning, rather.

I’d settled in early after a particularly vigorous Sunday of eating pizza, watching a Law & Order marathon, and playing Temple Run and Zombie Lane on my iPad (add to the reasons I am single…) early despite numerous requests to get boozy and watch the Superbowl.  I have been fighting a nasty cold and am seriously trying to get out of the schoolnight-boozing habit, so I popped my Ambien at a solid 10:30, tuned on some documentary and called it a night.

At 1:01 am, I groggily think hear a text message come in, but roll over and ignore it, backstroking through my Ambien cloud… Then the damn phone starts ringing.    Here is where I am going to digress a bit… Those that know me, know that sleep does not come easy to me, especially on Sundays.  I try not to take sleeping medication, but sometimes take half to get me to sleep.  If I take an entire pill, I mean business.  That means I want to fall asleep in 5 minutes and not wake up until the next day.  THIS was what I was trying to achieve last night, and Secret Agent royally fucked that with the double whammy of texting and calling.  I hit “decline” on my phone and try to get back to the blissful slumbers I was experiencing just TWO SECONDS AGO to no avail.  Its nearly a full hour and some jello later that I get back to sleep.

This morning, I get to my office and notice his text message, to which I hadn’t responded to.    I send him a quick note back, apologizing for the delay in response, as I had been sleeping.  He immediately writes back, asking what I am doing right now.  I let him know that, like a normal adult, I am at my office at 10 am on a Monday.   He proceeds to tell me to take a personal day.   When I graciously explain that that isn’t really an option, he sends the following two texts:

“What do you do anyways besides avoid me like the plague”

then

“You should check out this website i think you would like it www. Boring. Com”

Wow.  I suddenly feel responsible and old and, apparently, boring.   I am more than a little ok with that.

Working for a Living on a Monday,

Terita Bonita

 

The Gallant Knight February 1, 2012

Filed under: Dating — TeritaBonita @ 5:10 pm
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After not seeing her for a hot minute,  Caroline randomly texted me to meet her and her beau and some friends at a bar right down the street from my house.  I was super excited to see her and meet her dude, so I met up for beers and debauchery.   Caroline has always been one to want to see me have a happy love life, and didn’t hesitate to introduce me to one of her boyfriend’s friends.   I had been lured in for a set up!!!  Those rascals.

To my surprise, the dude, L, wasn’t a complete troll – he was actually a really nice guy.   So, of course, I am suspicious.  My curiosity was piqued… How does a cute, gainfully-employed, smart guy like this not have a chick?  Does he have a tail?  12 toes?  A small peen?   I later discovered that he was recently (super recently) divorced, which covered that bit, but here comes the next part – Would a guy that looks good on paper like that be interested in a gal like me?

Turns out, I didn’t completely scare him off on the first night, as we ended up meeting up for drinks the following weekend.  All is going fantastic, and we are heading up to his deck have wine outside because it was a nice night.  I am totally thinking, “Dude, this is what normal dating is all about!” as we sit and have pleasant and witty banter with wine and stars.   I go inside to use the facilities and upon returning to the deck, completely forget the one important piece of direction L had specifically told me:  “Don’t shut the door to the deck.  It will lock and we will get stuck up here”.

As the door slams behind me, I realize my mistake, as does L.   No one else is home in the quad he lives in, and its a sheer one-story drop onto concrete below.   Being such a damn great guy (and full of wine) and not wanting to allow us to die of exposure, L proceeds to climb up and over the privacy fence and drop to the ground below, slashing his hand open and breaking his wrist in the process.   He trotted back up the stairs and opened the door and let my shameful ass back into safety.

I think I ruined his opinion of me that night and only sporadically text with him now.  I am a genius.

 

Being a Dorky Damsel,
TB

 

The Secret Service Agent January 31, 2012

Filed under: Dating — TeritaBonita @ 1:10 pm
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As a rule in dating in a post-Google world, one should always namecheck the potential suitor.  You can get some effing crazies, you know?  I mean, if I have a date with Tom Smith, you can be damned sure that I am in front of my computer WAY before I am alone with Mr. Smith, using my amazingly creepy internet stalking abilities to find out exactly what homedude has been up on the interwebs.  I will know if he is a creeper or into cosplay or a Juggalo in a matter of minutes, thus saving me from a bad date or murder.

This search also serves a positive purpose, and not just a creeper one.  In googling the dude/lady, you are able to delve into their online presence and possibly discover common interests and mutual friends that you didn’t know existed.  The tricky part is introducing it into conversation without sounding like a complete fucking psycho-stalker.   Which brings me to another circus act that I recently endured…

I met this dude at a party with some girlfriends a few weeks ago, and he asked for my number.  He seemed like a cool dude, and while I wasn’t interested in him romantically,  he seemed like he might make a fun friend/drinking buddy, so I gave it to him.    He commences a text conversation with me over the next few days,  no big deal, but every time I ask his last name, he dodges the question.   This gives me a super red flag, and me and my ladies commence a serious search for this dude with no last name, to no avail.   He wanted to hang out this past weekend, and when I asked him his last name again (totally casually)  he stopped texting and calling me.  I have decided he is either on a classified mission with the CIA or is a ninja.  The world may never know.

 

Practicing my Nun-chucks,

Terita Bonita